Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes Biography

Source Link (Google.com)
After exercise I always eat pizza, Just kidding.. I don't Exercise!!

All men are brave,
Horrors movies don't scare them...
But.....
10 missed calls from wife-----surely does!

Those 8 seconds really become so longer when you wait for "Skip" option button on video sharing site!

What did the cockroach say to the man who wanted to squash it?
You are just jealous of me. The reason being - I make your spouse scream louder than you!

Man: Why are beating your son in law so badly?
He replies: I sent hi message that you have become father but he forwarded this message to his friends!

Boy messages text his Girl "Honey, I can't live without you! When you come to me?"Here is the KILLING Reply -"Who is dying! I lost my saved numbers, kindly tell me your name?"

I thing..Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers!

Photographer: My secret of success is? 'Think negative'!

Make no mistakes. The junior is your biggest prospect!

Wife: If I would have been married to a Monster, I would have been felt much better than with you...
Man: But marriages are not allowed in same blood relation!!

I have already acted on your memo on saving power in my department by an immediate ban on employee empowerment!

customer: sorry but i asked cheese without holes
waiter: well then, eat the cheese and leave the holes
by- elshaday

My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is a dumb. I got a detention after asking which end!

It is better to be late than to arrive ugly!

How Bedroom smells after marriages:

First 3 months - Perfumes and Flowers!

After 12 months - Baby Powder, Cream, diapers and Lotions!

After 7 Years - Balms, Move and pain killers..

Why do she make weird faces in pictures? Because it's better to look ugly on purpose.
Description: Here we poke fun at the people who pretend to be over-smart. Some people think that they are very genius that we can not smell what's happening in their mind. But they catch her. I know she is not beautiful so that is why she makes crazy faces in pictures. After reading 'ugly on purpose' statement, no-one can control their laughter.

When will Persian cats begin to join the armed forces?
When you cut their furlough.
submitted by Julia Gandrud

If Olive Oil is made from Olives and Vegetable oils from Vegetables, then what is Baby oil made from???
submitted by Naveen Khanna

Him: I kiss my Wife everyday before I leave for Office, what about you?
Me : Me too, after you leave!!

What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.

The doctor comes out into the waiting room for the next patient. He's shocked to see a man sitting there with a frog growing out of his head. The doctor's cries, "Oh my god, how did that happen?"
The frog answered "I don't know; it began as a pimple on my but-t."

One day little sunny and his friend were playing by a stream. Sunny noticed a bush and went over to it. His friend couldn't figure out why sunny was at the bush for so long so he went over to the bush to have a look. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing without any clothes in the stream.
While playing, suddenly little sunny took off running. His friend couldn't understand why he had run away so he took off after him. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he had run away. Little Johnny said, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady
I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes

Funny Short Jokes

Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes Biography

Source Link (Google.com)
35 Jokes for Kids
FEBRUARY 22, 2013 BY RACHEL
Here are some jokes that my kids have been laughing hysterically at.  Thanks to all of you for contributing them on our facebook wall.  Do your kids have a favorite joke that was missed?  Add it into the comments here at Kids Activities Blog!
 A collection of the best jokes for kids
Animal Jokes for Kids
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a jar of jelly beans?….. They hide pretty good, don’t they!?! – Pamela
Why cant a tryanosauras clap? Its extinct – Sharyce
What do you call an elephant in a phonebooth? Stuck – Jodie
What do you call a blind dinosaur? A Doyouthinkhesawus. – Brenda
What do you call a dinosaur that does not take a bath? A Stink-o-Saurus. – Stacey
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze! – Tina
Knock knock. Who’s there? Cow. Cow who? No, silly cows don’t say whoo cows say moooooo – Jaimie
Girl: Why is your nose so swollen?
Boy: I was smelling a brose.
Girl: Silly! There’s no “b” in rose.
Boy: There was in this one! – Brenda
Knock knock.  Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interr…
MOO!!
Hard to write. The person interrupts the answer by saying MOO!! Hope you get it. My kids think its the funniest thing to yell it at the person getting ready to say interrupting cow who!! They just laugh!!
Then they start doing other animals and noises they can think of!!  – Keri
Q: what do cows read with breakfast? A: A moooospaper – Amber
What do you call a deer with no eyes?-No eye deer (no idea) – Kim
Why did the fastest cat in school get suspended? Cuz he was a cheetah (cheater) – Candice
What do you call a cow that just had a baby? De-calf-inated. – Brenda
knock knock . . . who’s there? Who. Who who? Is there an owl in here?! – Jenna
What does a piece of toast wear to bed? His pa-JAM-as – Laken
What do you call cows that are laying down? Ground beef. – Brenda
best jokes 2
Jokes for Preschoolers
Why is 6 terrified of 7? Because 7 “8” 9! – Kelly
Q: What did “0” say to “8”? A: Nice belt! – Shanon
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Well, don’t cry it’s only me! – Claire
What flower do you wear on your face? Two-lips! – Barbara
What did one eye say to the other eye? Don’t look now, but something between us smells.- Brenda
What’s brown and sticky? A stick! – Megan
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back? A stick!- Tina
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? – Kailey
What’s white and black and read all over? A newspaper – Amy
 35 of the best jokes for kids
Jokes about Food
Two muffins in an oven. One says, “sure is hot in here!” Other one says, “Holy smokes! A talking muffin!” – Nate
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot – Kristin
Why did the orange lose the race? – because he ran out of juice – Jessie
Where do Pirates like to eat? ARRRRby’s (Arby’s) – Danyale
Why wont cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny! – Colleen
Jokes about Bodily Functions
Why did Tigger stick his head down the toilet??? He was looking for Pooh :))) – Sam
What goes “Ha Ha Ha plop?” Someone laughing their head off. – Pamela
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the movies? Because he didn’t have the guts!  – Jessica
How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side. – Lindy
Why did Dracula go to jail? Because he robbed a blood bank! – Jessica
How do you make a hankie dance? Put a little boogie in it! – Colleen
What’s a French person in the bathroom? A “You’re-a-pee-in” (European). – Texas Garden
How do you get a tissue to dance? Put a little boogie in it. – Sarah

Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes

 Free Funny Jokes

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny Biography

Teacher: “Emil… why are you coming into my classroom on your hands and knees?”
Emil: “Because yesterday you told me not to talk into your class late.”



A boy telling his friend: “The food was awful at summer camp this year. My first day there, I threw mine in the lake and darned if the fish didn’t throw it back.”



Teacher: “If your father earned $50,000 a month and gave your mother half, what would she have?”
Student: “Heart failure or maybe a stroke!”



Teacher: “In the alphabet, what comes after ‘O’?”
Student: “Yeah.”



Teacher: “Attention class! First off, who can name a deadly poison?”
Charlie: “I can, teacher. Aviation. One drop and you’re dead.”



Teacher: “Just how did this window get broken?”
Student: “I was cleaning my slingshot and it went off.”



New kid: “Where do you live?”
Old kid: “On Tough Street. The farther you go, the tougher you get. I live in the last house!”



Two kids talking:
Kid 1: You shoulda been with me this summer at camp. We had a lot of tough times with skunks.
Kid 2: How do they smell?
Kid 1: They smell like our gym class! But I never changed clothes once this summer at camp and y’know what? Toward the end of the season, the skunks ran away from me.”



Elmer: “Hey, Gorge, did you hear about the tire that had a nervous breakdown?”
George: “Nope. Tell me about it.”
Elmer: “It just couldn’t take any more pressure!”



“My mother really talked to the airplane pilot when we got on the plane.”
“Really? What’d she talk about.”
“Oh, she just told him not to go faster than sound ’cause she and I wanted to talk a lot.”



Two kids were walking home from school. “What should we do tonight?” – one asked.
“Let’s flip a coin,” replied the other. “If it comes up head, we will go to the movies. If it comes up tail, we’ll play pool. If it stands on edge, we’ll study.”



Jonas: “Did you hear about the stupid farmer who ran a steamroller over his field of potatoes?”
Adam: “Nope. Not a word.”
Jonas: “Well, the dope thought he’d get a crop of smashed potatoes.”



Mary: “Get away from me, Jamie. You remind me of the ocean.”
Jamie: “Why is that? Because I’m so handsome?”
Mary: “No! Because you make me sick!”



A small boy ridiculed the talk about a painless dentist in his neighborhood.
“He is not painless at all,” said the lad. “He put his finger in my mouth and I bit it and he yelled just like anybody would.”



After the third day of school, the six-year-old came running home from school crying and sobbing. She ran into the house and up to her mother, sobbing: “M-mom, how long does it take a little girl to finally graduate?”



The class was on a tour of the local art museum and the teacher stopped before a reproduction of a DaVinci painting.

“Class, this man was a genius. With just one, single stroke he could change a smiling face into a pained, sorrowful one.”

A little boy raised his hand. “Question, Elmer?” the teacher asked.

“I just want to tell you that my Mom can do the same thing.”



The school employs a doctor to teach the children about body parts.

One day, the doctor came to school, assembled the class, pointed to his nose and asked: “Is this my ear?”

Little Johnny walked to the teacher and whispered: “I think we better get a new doctor.”



The teacher began: “Can anyone in class tell us the meaning of axis?”

“I can, Sir. Here goes: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line that passes from one pole to the other and on which the earth revolves.”

“Very good,” the teacher said, “but could you hang clothes on that line?”

“Yep! You sure could,” the student replied.

“Is that so?” the teacher said. “And what kind of cloths would you hang on that imaginary line?

“Imaginary clothes, Teacher.”

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids Biography

Source Link (Google.com)
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.

“Now listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever yo do to that poor, defenceless creature I shall personally do to you”

“In that case,” said the boy, “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”
 
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.

Teacher:Pappu, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.

Pappu: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.
 
Customer: Mujhe phone per dhamkiya mill rahi hai.
Police: Kaun hai woh jo aapko dhamkiya de raha hai?

Customer: Telephone wale bolte hai ke, “Bill nahi bharoge toh kaat denge.”

 
 
Beta papa se: Papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.
Papa thandi saans lete hue: Beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.
 
 
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you’re wearing, one is green and the other is blue with red spots !!
PAPPU: Yes, it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just like that at home.
 
 
Maths teacher asks a boy what are 2,4,10,17.

The boy replies they are HBO, ZOOM, SONY and POGO.
 
Two boys were playing marble and suddenly rushed to the hospital.

Smaller boy told to the doctor, “I have swallowed a marble.”

Doctor: “I see, Is this your brother with you?” asked to the older boy.

The other boy replied “No, I own the marble.”

 
 
Ek chota baccha bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada darwaje ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek budha aadmi aaya aur kaha:

Budha aadmi: Kya kar rahe ho beta?

Baccha: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hoon.


Budha aadmi (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, ab kya hai?

Baccha: Ab bhago!

 
 
Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.
Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, “Hey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!”
 
 
Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hain. 10% interest ke hisab se voh 1 saal bad loan vapis karte hain. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?
Child: Kutch bhi nahi.
Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.
Child: Me to maths janta hu, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.
 
 
 
First lady: Mera kid bohot fast english bolta hai.

Second lady: Beta bolke dikha.

Funny Kid: english english english english english...

 
Kid (phone par): Madam, mera beta aaj school nahi aaygea?

Madam: Aap kon bol rahe ho?

Funny Kid: Mere papa bol rahe hain.

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids

Jokes Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids Biography

Source Link (Google.com)
Funny Kids Jokes About Space

Q. Why did the alien want to leave the party?
A. The atmosphere wasn't right.

Q. What is an astronauts favorite snack?
A. Space Chips.

Q. What's an aliens favorite candy?
A. Martian-mellows.

Q. Why did the astronaut bring paint and paper on his trip?
A. So he could do space crafts.

Q. What's an astronauts favorite drink?
A. Gravi-tea.

Q. How do you make a baby sleep on a space ship?
A. You rocket>.

Q. What do space cows say?
A. "Mooooo-n."

Q. What do you call a pan spinning through space?
A. An unidentified frying object.

Q. What do you call a wizard in space?
A. A flying saucer-er.

Q. What is an aliens favorite sport?
A. SpaceBall
Funny Kids Jokes

Q. What did the left hand say to the right hand?
A. How does it feel to always be right?
Q. What did one eye say to the other?
A. Between me and you, something smells.
Q. Why don't acrobats work in the winter?
A. They only do Summer-saults.
american bulldog
Funny Kids Jokes - Animals

Q. Why did the judge send the turtle to jail?
A. Because he was known as a hard case.

Q. What do you comb a rabbit with?
A. A hare brush.

Q. Which rodent won the basketball game?
A. The porcupine because he had the most points.

Q. How do you catch a squirrel?
A. Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Q. What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A. You can't tuna fish.
Q. where do mermaids see movies?
A. At the Dive-In.
Q. How do you buy cat food?
A. Purrr can.
Q. What monkey is always exploding?
A. A ba-boom.
Q. Why can't you play games in the jungle?
A. Because there's always gonna be a cheetah.
Q. What's black and white and eats like a horse.
A. A Zebra.

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids

Clean Funny Jokes For Kids