Funny Jokes for Kids : Clean Funny Jokes

Clean Funny Jokes Biography

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy

Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q: Why was the baby strawberry crying?
A: Because his mom and dad were in a jam.

Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!

Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A: You look flushed

Q: Why is there a gate around cemetaries?
A: Because people are dying to get in!

Q: Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
A: Because he was a little shellfish

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta
Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match
Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it's pointless.

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!
Q: What do call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho Cheese
Q: What do you call four bullfighters standing in quicksand?
A: Quattro Sinko
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite
Q: What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
A: Remorse code.
Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
A: It was two-tired!
Q: Why did the barber win the race?
A: Because he took a short cut.
Q: When does Friday come before Thursday?
A: In the dictionary
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
Q: What kind of bird sticks to sweaters?
A: a Vel-Crow
Q: Where do boats go when they get sick?
A: The dock
Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?
A: A trum-pet!
Q: What's easy to get into but hard to get out of?
A: Trouble
Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?
A: A heavy discussion
Q: What dog keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog
Q: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
A: Firecrackers!
Q: What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
A: Look grandpa, no hands!
Q: What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A: The Space bar!
Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!
Q: What runs but doesn't get anywhere?
A: A refrigerator
Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A: Because he was out-standing in his field.
Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: "Smiles", because there is a mile between each 's'
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Q: Why couldn't dracula's wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.
Q: What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
A: Oh Snap!
Q: What did one hat say to another?
A: You stay here, I'll go on a head
Q: What did the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?
A: You're too young to smoke!
Q. What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A. Sue
Q. What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun?
A. I just love baskin' robins.
Q: Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
A: Because it's a little meteor
Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: He neverlands!
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed!

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp
Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A monkey!
Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue with his pizza?
A: He ate it before it was cool!
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone!
Q: What did the horse say when he fell?
A: Help, I've fallen and I can't giddy up!
Q: What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles?
A: UCLA
Q: Which U.S. State has the smallest soft drinks?
A: Mini-soda
Q: Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
A: All of the fans left
Q: What did the duck say to the bartender?
A: Put it on my bill
Q: How does a squid go into battle?
A: Well Armed
Q: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
A: Reality
Q: What did the Time Traveler do when he was still hungry after his last bite?
A: He went back four seconds.
Q: What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?
A: A loose Canon.
Q: Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
A: He takes things personally.
Q: Did the disappointed smoker get everything he wanted for Christmas?
A: Clothes, but no cigar.
Q: What do you call the sound a dog makes when it's choking on a piece of its owner's jewelry?
A: A diamond in the ruff.
Q: What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold a yoga pose?
A: Yoga pants.
Q: How do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date?
A: Bring her flours.
Q: Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit?
A: Because it was cultured.
Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing!
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.
Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transport?
A: Wait at a buzz stop!
Q: What did the fashion police officer say to his sweater?
A: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Q: What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
A: A Cat-astrophe
Q: Why did the frog take the bus to work?
A: His car got toad.
Q: What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
A: A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.
Q: What do you give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid!
Q: What do they call cans in Mexico?
A: Mexi-cans
Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
A: Bison
Q: How do most frogs die?
A: They kermit suicide!
Q: Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
A: They kept dropping their trunks.
Q: What's the most musical part of a chicken?
A: The drumstick