Funny Jokes for Kids : Funny Clean Jokes For Kids

Funny Clean Jokes For Kids Biography

Source Link (Google.com)
My favorite as a kid, and my kids’ favorite:
Lady sits down on a train. Man sitting next to her turns to her and says, “Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. That baby looks in a mirror, it’s going to shatter. You oughta put a bag on that baby’s head. That baby is just ugly.”
The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor. “Conductor, this man has insulted me.”
“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” the conductor replies. “What he did is totally unacceptable on this train. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We’ll give you a nice seat in the first-class carriage — and a banana for your monkey.”
A classic dating at least to the 1950s, the extended Flip Wilson version above is the earliest on the internet. You can of course update it to an airplane, to Facebook, or to some other setting. It’s very important that you not call it the “ugly baby” joke and you not mention the baby/monkey in the first sentence or in the woman’s complaint to the conductor.

*Knock Knock
“Who’s There?”
”Banana”
“Banana Who?
*Knock Knock
“Who’s There?”
”Banana”
“Banana Who?
*Knock Knock
“Who’s There?”
”Banana”
“Banana Who?
*Knock Knock
“Who’s There?”
”Orange”
“Orange Who?”
”Orange you glad I didn’t say banana”

Old man comes into a restaurant, sits at his usual table, and orders the usual — matzoh ball soup.
The waiter sets it down in front of him, and stands back to watch him enjoy it. But the man just sits there.
“Is there something wrong?” the waiter asks.
“I can’t eat this soup,” the man replies.
“Is it too hot?” the waiter asks. “No.” “Too cold?” “No.” “Too salty?” “No.”
The waiter calls for the maitre d’, and for the chef, and each goes through the same routine: “Too hot?” “Too cold?” “No, no no.”
Finally the chief, at his wits end, says, “Sir, I will taste the soup myself. Where is the spoon?”
Says the old man: “A-ha!”

Chicken marches into the library, walks up to the library desk, and says: “Book, book, BOOK!”
The librarian hands over a a couple of slim children’s paperbacks, and watches the chicken as it leaves the library, walks across the street, through a field, and disappears down the hill.
Next day, the chicken is back. Walks right up to the librarian, drops the books on her desk, and says, “Book, Book, BOOK, BOOK!” The librarian hands over a few books and again watches the chicken drag them away.
The next day, the chicken comes for a third time. Drops the books on the desk, and says, “Book, Book, Book, BOOK!!”
This time, once the chicken is out the door, the librarian follows — across the street, through a field, and down the hill to a small pond.
On a rock on the edge of the pond is the biggest frog the librarian has ever seen. The chicken walks up to the frog, drops the book on the pond’s edge, and says, “Book, Book, Book!”
The frog hops over, uses the front leg to push through the pile, and says: “Read it, read it, read it…”